Copperhead Ode

I felt somewhat merciful to them because they spared me twice. But you can't let copperheads live. Its their nature to bite and sooner or later they will bite humans . . . or dogs. They had to go.

On Saturday, June 19, 1999 I was happy not to die. I was weeding my garden with a hoe. At the very back of the garden there is a row of beans. I walked around the end of the row to chop a small tree that had sprouted. It only took 10 seconds or so. Then I walked back around the end of the bean row.

Just as I rounded the end of the row I heard a rustle in the dry leaves. I walked 2 more steps and stopped. About five feet away was a half buried log. The log was under the shelter of the trees that grow around the garden. At the bottom of the log I spotted copperhead markings. Suddenly it seemed like there was an awful lot of snake there . . . too much for just one. I stood still and looked until I saw two heads. Both heads were up - on alert.

My blood ran cold. I had just walked within three feet of them . . . twice in a row . . . and they didn't strike. I imagined they were protecting a nest of eggs. Suddenly I was very happy to leave the garden for the day with my body intact.

Maybe I lapsed into denial or maybe it was mercy but I didn't call down thunder right away. I showered, puttered and forgot about them until it got dark outside. Then I panicked. What in the hell was I thinking??? I wondered. Why didn't I call William right away???

In the morning the pair were still in place. A call to William brought him on his all-terrain vehicle in less than 15 minutes. He was dressed to kill - big leather snake-kicking boots, camo pants, camo suspenders and a black tee shirt. He carried his Remington 1100 like it was part of him. I showed him where the snakes were and almost before I could back away he was blasting them to fly snacks.

After the first three shots he shouted, "I'll tell you what, you got more than two down here!" He used eight shells total and then came over to where I was cowering. "After that first shot the ground came alive with wiggling," he reported. Not good news.

William suggested I scatter moth balls around to discourage the copperheads from returning. Later other people suggested spreading used cat litter or dog hair. I'm doing it all. I'll chant snake protection charms and spray snake-repelling air freshener if that's what it takes. I'll burn snake-away candles and do a mongoose dance. Anything. Just no more copperheads, please!

This is a photo of the copperhead den under the stump. The round white objects are moth balls. If you look carefully to the left of the blade of the hoe you can see a segment of snake body.